When I started thinking about my 2011 race season in the late fall 2010, I felt a great amount of uncertainty. Why? Because I felt my own personal expectations and goals should be higher and grander. My 2011 season would be my first whole season as a Professional Triathlete and with that came thoughts that suddenly my expectations and racing should step up to a new level. With that brought a sense of apprehension, a little fear, and many "what ifs". "What if I just can't keep up? What if I fail?" I think it's these lingering thoughts that held me back a little in developing true goals for this year.
Mentally committing, back in January, to making Ironman Texas my first big race of the season, I realized I needed to finally deal with the lingering uncertainties, and quickly. And training for an Ironman has given me the perfect opportunity to try to quiet my mind...there's nothing but time to think while spending hours riding and running. What's occurred to me is that despite "going professional" late last year, nothing has really changed for me. While I want to race hard and be as competitive as possible, a new title doesn't somehow mean I'll be able to compete differently. I'm still the same person. I still have a full-time job and family with which I need to balance my training around. So while I think it's okay to want more, will strive to race well, and will push myself in training, I think I cannot mentally expect that I'll race differently. Those "what if" questions are really just my own voices. My family and friends are not expecting some greater achievement from me this year; they haven't set higher and grander expectations and I'm won't be letting them down. They are incredibly supportive of me no matter the race results.
I've also realized that for this race season, the racing will be different and as such, I should be setting and reaching towards a different kind of goal(s). I think time goals and keeping mental focus/drive all the way through the finish line this year will be as big to me this year as "what place I finished" has been in the past. I can't say for certain that all of my lingering doubts are gone and won't resurface in tough times, but I think the important thing for me to regularly remind myself is that, "My friends and family love and support me regardless of how I race. They don't hold expectations of me. I race for the fun and joy of it and I'm the only one who has expectations of myself." I'll set goals for myself but there's no need to set an unreasonable level of expectations for myself.
